War Profiteering

Toasted Cake 153: War Profiteering by M. Darusha Wehm

Episode #153! In which we are eager to ensure our own nutritional security.

Don't just survive -- with Missionwhisper, you can THRIVE!

First appeared in Mothership Zeta.

Darusha writes science fiction and speculative poetry as M. Darusha Wehm and mainstream poetry and fiction as Darusha Wehm. Science fiction books include: Beautiful Red, Children of Arkadia and the Andersson Dexter cyberpunk detective series. Mainstream books include the Devi Jones' Locker Young Adult series and The Home for Wayward Parrots (forthcoming from NeWest Press). Darusha's short fiction and poetry have appeared in many venues, including Arsenika, Nature, Escape Pod, and several anthologies. Darusha is originally from Canada but currently lives in Wellington, New Zealand after spending the past several years sailing the Pacific.

Original airdate: October 8, 2017

The full text of "War Profiteering" is available below to read!


War Profiteering

by M. Darusha Wehm

Don’t just survive — with Missionwhisper, you can THRIVE!

Are you tired of eating nothing but canned and packaged food? Is your local area running low on safe produce? Do you want to be able to ensure your own nutritional security, rather than relying on food brokers, community rations or black marketeers? Then the new Missionwhisper Orangescan™ Nanoparticle Detection, Inspection and Extraction Unit is for you!

Guaranteed to safely remove all nanoparticles, including sapient nanites, from organic material, MONDIEU is the best choice for families and small groups to return food to its original state.

Fresh ingredients, more variety, natural vitamins:

eat like it’s 2099!

On the move? The unit is small enough to be portable, but robust enough to handle the raw material to feed a group of up to six adults. With the combination dynamo/solar charging attachment (sold separately), you can charge the unit without access to grid or battery power.

Community leaders, ask about our bulk rates! Discounts available for orders of over a hundred units.


Missionwhisper has already helped thousands of people regain control of their food supply:

We haven’t had a case of scurvy since we got the MONDIEUs.” Allyson Trente, leader of the Red River Rovers

When my kids bit into an apple for the first time in their lives, well, that’s when I knew that it was worth every penny we spent on the MONDIEU.” François Morin, father

We thought we’d have to move to the city in order to get access to food. Then we got the MONDIEU and now we’re growing enough food to feed our neighbours, too!” Chris Wu, farmer


Missionwhisper Orangescan™ FAQ


Missionwhisper is committed to creating organic-friendly products that help your family succeed in a modern, nanoparticle-rich environment. All our devices are certified legal for use in nineteen US states, all Canadian provinces and territories west of Thunder Bay, Mexican states other than Chihuahua, Coahuila and Durango and most of South America. Outside the Americas, Missionwhisper products may be available as an emergency self-defence tool* only. Importation of Missionwhisper products into heavily infected jurisdictions may be a punishable offence.

*Please note that in territories controlled by the Imperial Swarm, MONDIEU is now classified as a weapon of mass destruction and its use is considered a war crime. Please consult your local authorities before using MONDIEU.

Use of MONDIEU is at your own risk. Missionwhisper is not liable for any civil litigation, criminal conviction or enslavement to the Imperial Swarm resulting from the use of any of its products.



1 The red flashing light indicates that scanning is underway, a strobing yellow light means that infestation has been detected. A blue light with a morse pattern of –.– .. .–.. .–.. indicates extraction of nanites and a blinding green light indicates that the object is now free of infestation.

2 Sapient nanites are known colloquially as The Imperial Swarm.

3 Guarantee applicable to new, fully charged units used in a controlled environment. Results in the field may vary.

4 Symptoms of nanite infestation in animals include: pack behaviour in non-pack animals, sleeplessness, biting, scratching, tool use, breaking and entering, theft, human speech.

5 The UN Commission recommends the following quarantine procedures: remove the affected animals and any animals in contact with them, disable them, place animals in a sealable container, cover animals with concrete, seal the container. Ensure that all such containers are marked plainly with the Sapient Nanite Infestation symbol, then bury all containers at least two meters underground.